So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
