I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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