nut hugger
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
