I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
