I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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