Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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