Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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