If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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