imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Randomize
