Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
