at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
