How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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