okay pat passed out under dana's car
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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