i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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