i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
