Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
