making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
