They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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