Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
