I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
