How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
