guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize