Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
