I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
