i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
