Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
