Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
God I need to hump something, right now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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