Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
