I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My life is pants optional.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
