I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
