I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
