i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
