i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
