I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
