why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize