plz talk dirty to me
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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