we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
