Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
