We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How does one acquire holy water?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
