It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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