I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
The ass gains better be worth it
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