please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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