this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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