mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
