it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
