when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
