so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
