there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
