Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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