He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
