i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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