What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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