I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
