debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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