Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
