i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
