My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
