Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
