I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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