im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
