Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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