I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You ruined the universe
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
