My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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