Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
