I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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