I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
