So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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