when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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