Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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