probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he laminated a picture of his dick.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
