I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
