Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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