ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
