Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
