I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
