TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
