After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
