Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
