im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
