My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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