Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
