either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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