remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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