i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
