Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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