Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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