I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
