you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
