Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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